Fear, stubbornness, ignorance, procrastination, resignation â€“ for singles or couples longing for love, these are among the deadly sins, according to relationship expert Ernest Quansah.
â€œThese are the psychological traits which singles and many couples use as excuses,â€ says Quansah, author of Doâ€™s and Donâ€™ts of Relationships: Nine Steps to a Deeper, Richer Love Relationship, 2nd edition (www.relationshipadviceforsuccess.com).
â€œI hear it all the time; singles or married couples say theyâ€™re not rich enough, or they need to lose weight, or they just donâ€™t think theyâ€™ll find what they want. But I say nothing is perfect, and if you think that youâ€™ll only be good enough when youâ€™ve lost five pounds, or have a nice car or a bigger house, then you will never be â€˜good enough.â€™â€
After completing a survey at Relationship Advice for Success, Quansah found thatÂ allÂ respondents reported that they still believe in lasting love, and if there was a way to learn to find true love, they would try it. Singles are looking for relationship success as much as committed or married couples, he says.
While self-improvement is important, singles and couples should not use excuses to put off what could be a meaningful, lasting relationship says Quansah, who takes a holistic approach to relationships.Â
Just as people need aÂ planÂ in order to give themselves a chance with other New Yearâ€™s resolutions, such as weight loss or a career move, so too is the case with findingÂ permanent love. Quansah says singles and couples need to answer six questions while pursuing love and true happiness:
â€¢Â What is my goal?Â For each question, jot down what you areÂ reallyÂ looking for. Are you looking for a lifelong partner, just a date on Valentineâ€™s Day, or for your marriage to work? Many â€œserial datersâ€ and â€œtwice married men and womenâ€ claim they want the real thing; however, often their behavior indicates the opposite. Singles and couples must be honest with what is in their hearts, Quansah declares.
â€¢Â What am I doing to achieve my goal?Â Striking a balance is important. Doing too much, like spending a lot of money on a new look or being too negative, can be relationship killers because they are not permanent solutions and this makes achieving your goal difficult. If youâ€™re act like yourself, youâ€™ll be more comfortable and self-confident â€“ and those are attractive qualities! Remember who you are and what you love, but donâ€™t be inflexible; love and relationship success are often about compromise. Taking note of what you have and havenâ€™t done, and evaluating the effectiveness of those strategies, are the key to dating, relationship, and marriage success.
â€¢Â What might prevent me from achieving my goal?Â Fault finding in potential love interest or in a marriage, for example, can hinder the flow of success. Another obstacle may be placing artificial contingencies on your love connection, like comparing yourself to others, or unintentionally putting too much strain on your marriage. An objective, calm, and rational approach can help you map a course for meeting the man or woman of your dreams and achieving love relationship success.
â€¢Â What methods have not worked for me?Â Mistakes are to be expected â€“ nobodyâ€™s perfect. But they should only be acceptable as long as youâ€™ve learned something from them. Look back and do a review. If you have approached dating or relationship success in ways that keep failing, it is time toÂ change!
â€¢Â What methods have worked for me?Â Everybody has qualities that make them good at some things and not so great in other areas. Focus on your strengths; if you have used methods that brought you success in dating or in your marriage, you should use those methods because they will yield result. But do not be afraid to test the waters with new ideas.
â€¢Â What will it feel like when I succeed?Â If you cannot envision the taste of success, you may be less motivated to go the extra mile for true love. Think about how nice it would feel to have meaningful companionship, bring someone home to meet the family, and maybe even start a family of your own.
About Ernest Quansah
Ernest Quansah (www.relationshipadviceforsuccess.com) is a love relationship success expert with more than a decade of experience. He is the president of Relationship Advice for Success, and founder of Online Dating, Relationship, and Marriage School (ODRMS). After much research and experience with heartache â€“ divorce, breakups and the devastating consequences â€“ he has discovered the keys to finding and maintaining meaningful, long-lasting romantic relationships.
I was sentÂ Doâ€™s and Donâ€™ts of Relationships
Â to check out for myself. The book is 354 pages in length and interesting read. I`m not too big on reading to be honest, but I was happy to browse through and read some points. I found Ernest Quansah, the author, had a practical approach to his reasoning and explanations of relationships. His concepts are simple, yet elegant. He explains HOW to go about things. I found it gave advice on ways for my husband and I to be able to improve our relationship together. I don`t want to spoil it, but if you want to improve your relationship or you`re having bad relationships and want to figure out why, this would be the perfect book for you. I definitely think it`s worth checking out. The print is easy to read and you can read it without squinting at tiny print! Highly recommended!